I’m discovering that life is a scavenger hunt, except the map that’s supposed to help you find life’s treasure is not the map you thought it would be to help you find the golden nuggets. This all reminds me of Forest in the movie Forest Gump where he tells the lady at the bus stop that life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get. Life is a lot like that. At least it is for me.
The other day I was all dramatic about a conversation I had after class. I’m standing there in a group conversation listening to my instructor. He says there are two types of people. The first type are procrastinators. If they were tasked with moving a pile of dirt from one side of a building to the other the procrastinator would wait until the last minute to get it done. The second type of person is a complainer. They use a bucket to get the dirt from one side of the building to the other each day to meet their goal. They transfer the dirt to the other side of the building with time to spare but they will complain, about how long it’s going to take. I heard that message with my entire being. It resonated with me deeply. Why? In that moment who knows? But what was tripping me up was if I was the only one aware of it or the only one learning because the instructor was looking straight at me. Was he describing me? Dang! What the hell did I do? I’m trippen.
Then the student next to me looked into my eyes then started talking about how it’s hard for her/him to get out of bed every morning because of depression. They went on to explain that if they get out of bed that’s just one tiny goal that helps them move towards a bigger goal. Wow. I’m really in my feelings now. My instructor then continued to expand on his story by saying be happy about the small goals until you make it to the big goals. This will make life much easier and enjoyable. Thought I had an aha moment but couldn’t hang on to it. I was so focused on if he was talking to me. I had only mentioned at the beginning of the group conversation that I could only see finishing and conquering one major test I had coming up. He said I had already taken a hard test. I didn’t mean anything by it I was just having conversation but he picked out that I just needed to be happy with the little day to day things. My feelings are hurt and they shouldn’t be. I thought he was finished but he added to it and said we (students) are all worried about the laundry bill instead of focusing. In that moment I had no thoughts. Baffled. Did he think he knew me in that moment? Was there a wrong assumption being made? Did I let ego in and give it too much control. I felt like he put a mirror in my face and forced me to look at myself when I felt I didn’t need to. He hit a sore spot and now I’m confused and wondering again what the hell did I do? Is there something I am missing? I am grateful. Is he having a hard time trying to figure me out? How do I separate the message from the ego? He hit another sore spot and started talking about weight. Oh hell nawl!! It was as if that message was meant for me to. He said it’s easy to lose weight if you are happy with the little goals you accomplish along the way. Stop it. I want my mind to just STOP!!! Wait a minute, there was a gap somewhere, in the whole record playing or is it ego talking again? Goals are good but what about allowing. Allowing things to unfold as they will unfold. Maybe that’s what I’ll do by taking a nap and resting my mind.
So hours after I rested I realized that I was confronted with my own ego and could not see the beauty in the message Spirit was giving me. I was present and heard the message but I was left hurt and sad because it was true. I have been doing the little bitty things that make a difference but complaining about getting to the treasure faster. I had also been given several golden nuggets, along the way, saying job well done and didn’t see it. I tried to move on and continue with my day but the tears of reality gripped me before I could even do anything about it. More tears came then the over thinking again. Then the realizing that I needed to swallow this lesson. It was time to look in that mirror at my face and pat myself on the back for the little things that I accomplish. I’m now aware of them. I am grateful. Thanks to my instructor who gave me a deep lesson and did not know it.
So when I thought the lesson was over it continued. On this day the kids had evening karate class so we did our routine. Loaded up the van with karate gear and water bottles. The kids buckled up and so did I. I backed out of the garage and drove down the street. I’ve done this a million times. So I’m like in zombie auto pilot super Mom mode but I am aware. Something reminded me to turn on the music. I only like listening to CD’s and not the noisy radio. I turn on the music and instantly the lyrics from Layla Hathaway-Breathe CD says,”Let it go! Baby just let it go.” Then the next Layla Hathaway song plays and says,”Just breathe. Remember to just breathe. But I gotta believe that this ain’t the end of the road. It’s all a bad dream until you believe, and you gotta know the story is still to be told. Just breathe.”I don’t know about you but my lesson was continuing to be learned. Spirit speaks through us in so many ways and life is a scavenger hunt. If we get out of our own way we can see the small treasures throughout the days in our journey ahead. We just have to be aware of it and leave the ego at the door. It’s a wonderful thing to get that golden nugget, that we all need, when we are being what I call too much.
© 2015 Allura Eshmun