Not Enough

Not Enough

We live in a world where we are constantly told we don’t have enough or we are not enough or we need more right now. It’s a perception and a cycle of inadequacy that continues to build false stories in our minds. We walk into the path of these subtle messages every day.

While pushing a cart, inside my favorite retail warehouse, I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. People around me are rushing frantically, with zombie like focus; grabbing multiple bulk items and snacking on advertised foods at the end of each aisle. You can get almost any type of good in massive quantities in this place and I think it’s awesome, but if not careful a single person can get lost in a cycle of thinking they need more and purchase 5 gallons of canola oil and 365 allergy pills they don’t need.

On another day at the grocery store I read signs encouraging customers to stock up like it’s a state of emergency and oranges and apples will be extinct soon. There are even deals to buy 3 and get one free. It’s not free, we pay for it when we buy other overly priced items we really need. It’s all advertising. Perception; hoping a customer believes they don’t have enough and will feel they need to purchase what the store is advertising. It’s not a bad thing it just is…

Television, smart phones, tablets, e-readers, video games, magazines, digital media, all flood our kids minds with constant messages and images that they are not enough or they need to be more than who they are. No wonder our kids sometimes struggle to find their way to the truth.   We also tell our kids they are not enough in school. When I mentor in the elementary and middle schools I see kids struggling because our school systems make grades the center of everything. We remind our kids yearly, by requiring them to meet a standard on standardized tests. In school, if our children don’t make A’s and B’s it’s not enough and if a student wants to go to college any grade lower than an A or B is not enough to get a student a scholarship to further their education.

Corporations are in the not enough game too. Today most companies, base employee competence solely on a number system. They call it ‘customer satisfaction’ and the system is based on a ten-point grade scale determined solely on how a customer feels and not an employee’s ability to do his or her job. 10 means great job and 1 means not so great. For some of us getting anything lower than a 7 is not enough and can threaten our pay and how much of a pay raise we have access to when it comes to our next job evaluation.

I struggle with thinking I don’t have enough or I am not enough. For years, I’ve wished to win the lottery so my husband can retire and we can create a huge trust funds and large inheritances for our kids. I want a bigger house on two acres and a couple of extra cars would be nice too. For years, I’ve thought losing this amount of weight or maybe altering my body in some way would be enough to be accepted among certain social groups. I know I am enough and I have enough, but my ego loves to make up stories. Over the past few weeks aha moments have put me in check and back in alignment with the truth.

Two years ago, I wrote a letter to my children telling them everything I want to tell them. Somewhere in the letter I said, “You are enough!” I told my own kids they are enough, but not fully believing I am enough. I am enough and I don’t need more items from anywhere nor do I need to alter how I look to prove it! There is nothing to prove. I am ; that’s enough.

In our family, I watch the bank accounts. My husband and I have so many things we want to do. As the to do list gets longer I see the dollar signs gaining in on me. Then I realize we can do everything we want to do. We have everything we need. It may take a little creativeness and discipline and time, but we can check off everything on our list of things to do because we have enough.

When I opened my eyes, I saw so many good things. My cousin who is an extreme couponer dropped off tons of useful items. The next day my husband’s client gave us a couple of pounds of sausage, catfish and boudin. Two weeks before we were trying to find someone to paint our house and my husband met a guy at lunch who paints. He offered us a great deal. A friend of mine sent our daughter hair jewelry and another friend is sending me some body butter. When I walk in my closet I see all the nice clothes I have. I walked into our kid’s rooms and saw how happy they are with their toys. I watched my husband as he sat happy comfortably on the couch watching his favorite show. Later, I stood outside and admired our house. So many good things are happening, but sometimes we can’t see them when we are lost in the cycle of saying and thinking, without knowing, I want more because I don’t have enough.

Saying and thinking we don’t have enough is fear showing itself in another way.

You are enough! When you are with a friend or a family member tell them, “You are enough!” Talk about how you have enough. Share your story on this website in the comments section.

Copyright © 2017 by Allura Eshmun

Published by Allura Eshmun

When I write there is no certain way to be...