God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.” – Exodus 3:14, The Holy Bible, ESV
“I am what I am because of who we all are!” – Ubuntu Philosophy
A wise friend said, “I am that I am, because of I am, and through I am, I am.” I’ve heard him say this phrase a few times, but in the moment, I openly admitted I wasn’t confident with my understanding of the saying. He told me to read the Bible and do some research. Before I began my search — I thought — the phrase meant “to be” and we are “one” and “connected”. I did some research and found a saying I clearly understood. “ I am what I am because of who we all are!” This saying on some level means the same as what my friend was teaching me.
A few years ago, I had a long two-hour conversation with my Aunt Anna. During our talk I recalled memories of staying at her house a few hours a week during the summer while Momma and Daddy were at work. I told her I learned so much from her in the many moments we shared together. As the emotional conversation continued I could feel she wasn’t comfortable accepting my gratefulness. I explained how her house was always immaculate; clean. I remember being 6-year-old and tip-toeing around her house from room to room scared to touch anything. Today Aunt Anna’s house is still sparkly clean, well decorated with an occasional frog statue — her favorite. Everything has its place in her home. When I’m over her house if I bump into a vase or a small end table trinket I immediately push it an inch back into place as if I’m lining it back up with exact precision. I’ve learned how to keep my house neat and clean by watching her.
I had a similar phone conversation with another aunt. I joked with Aunt Phylicia about how mean she was when she had to comb my hair before church, because Momma was working at the hospital, and Daddy didn’t have a clue about what to do with my hair. Daddy waited in the car while my older brother walked me up the stairs to the apartment where she and my grandmother lived. We’d knock several times because she was still sleep and my grandmother had already left for church. Aunt Phylicia would come to the door mad and half sleep saying, “Come on girl, let’s comb your hair!” She used rubber hair bands to hold my pony tails in place. She’d put them on so tight blinking was almost difficult without my face aching and my forehead was greasy shiny thanks to Royal Crown Hair Dressing or her favorite Blue Magic Hair Dress. She combed my hair so good the style lasted for days. What’s funny is my aunt passed the torch to me and the same thing happened with my own daughter. One day my daughter complained to her teacher and I about her ear hurting in kindergarten. It took me a few hours after school to figure out what was happening. I thought about taking her to the doctor or giving her some pain medication. Later, after loosening my daughters pony tails she look at me and said, “Mommy my ear stopped hurting!” I realized I made her pony tails too tight just like Aunt Phylicia, but my baby girls hair always looks good! ☺
Even though my Aunt Phylicia seemed mean at that time in my life and made my pony tails too tight and my forehead too greasy she was the aunt I admired because of her style. She always dressed nice, her hair was always perfect and she never left the house without make up flawlessly in place. During a time we had a lot less than today and a limited budget which caused many to get creative with their wardrobe. I watched how she made a simple outfit look fabulous. Today, I still marvel when I see her because she is still a fabulous aunt. When there are family events and my brother can’t make it he always asks how she’s doing and I always tell him how great she looked and details about what she was wearing.
When my Momma says she doesn’t know how and from whom I learned how to cook I give her a puzzled look and say, “I learn from you.” She always disagrees. Momma taught me almost everything by just being herself. After work and picking me up from school she’d change out of her white nurse’s uniform and put on her house dress and start dinner. She would take chicken that she’d been thawing in the refrigerator, wash all its parts, season them and put it in the oven or flour the meat if she was going to fry it. Back then we reused our old brown shopping bags. Momma would add flour to the bag then chicken to coat each piece with flour. Today she still makes the best fried chicken. Watching Momma all my years at home-made me want to learn how to cook for myself so I paid attention to not only her but the other women and men in the family. My Momma set the foundation. She created the starting point.
I never viewed my Aunt Dora as a top-notch house keeper, good cook or a fabulous dresser even though I think she is awesome too. I admire Aunt Dora’s honesty and her ability to just do what she wants to do no matter what anybody says about her. Today she is the same. She shops because she loves to shop and she says what she wants to say. Now, her filter might not be on and this may be a challenge for some but she’s just being herself and that’s priceless to me. I’ve learned the importance of just being myself.
I could sit and write all day about each family member man, women, or child and even the people in my community and describe all the things I’ve learned from each of them and you probably could too. So many people have molded me. I could not be who I am without them. I am who I am because of who they are. Because of who they chose to be good and bad. We are one. We can’t do anything alone. We are never alone.
Copyright © 2018 by Allura Eshmun