After someone very close to you dies and transitions to the next journey you begin to question mortality. I did. After Daddy died I was sad and in a panic. The questions and thoughts came all at once. I want my 120 years of life that I’m slated for. What do I need to do to live a long life? Vitamins. Exercise. Got to eat right. It’s a nice day outside I do need to get outside and go jogging. Then it hits me. I have a deep fear of dying. I don’t know why. Ego again. That necessary evil that keeps us alive and balanced. Mortality what does that mean? I had to look it up to make sure I knew what I was talking about. Google defines it as the state of being subject to death. I see the definition and I understand it but really worried and holding on to pain and sorrow of something that is not happening in the present moment. I also realized that I needed to say what I don’t say that often.
I LOVE YOU!
So simple yet so powerful. I want our kids and family to know that I love them. Especially the kids.
Kids need to know that they are loved. I tell my kids verbally that I love them, but I needed to do something more permanent.So a couple of months ago I wrote the kids a letter. It reads.
Dear Daughter and Son,
Below is a list of things I want you to remember for the rest of your life. You are these words and if anyone says the opposite of these words they are wrong. Believe because it is true and know that I mean and speak and write this with all my heart.
You are a child of the Universe!
You are Love and Life
You are Beautiful and Playful
You Matter
You are Smart, Brilliant and a Genius
You are Perfect, and the Creator of your life
You are Enough and Important
You are Greatness and reek Excellence
You are Confident and deserve Respect
You are ALL that you need to do what you want to do
You are Worth it
You are Peaceful
You are the Best
And I LOVE YOU
Those words are so important. They set a foundation and create a world of endless opportunities for a child. I posted this letter in each of their rooms. It’s posted on their closet door. So every time they go to their closet they see these words. My hope is that these powerful words inspires thoughts, to create dreams that manifest into reality.
After writing this the fear of mortality eased up a little. I still have a mental tug of war with accepting death and that our life is already planned. My mentor always says to me when the fear kicks in accept, reject or flee and that sometimes it just is. It’s also a reminder that I can’t control everything. So I am learning to accept, be me and love.
So now when I feel it in the moment I give a hug, send a text to say Good Morning, tell my husband how awesome he is and try to let family know how I truly feel. Our human days are not guaranteed so at minimum we at least need to give LOVE as much as we can.
©2015 Allura Eshmun