Throughout this four-month writing journey I’ve written a ton. Writing does not stop for me. All I want to do is write. It’s awesome. I’ve written about many things. All stories raw from my heart. I always wondered when the story about him would surface.
It’s Friday night. Things fall into place as usual. Everybody came home from their busy days with a story to tell. After the kids got into bed and my Mom laid down in the guest room my husband and I sat down and talked off and on during a television program that had us in disbelief. The show was not important but the entertaining story line was great and gave my husband and I the laughs we needed after a long day. All of a sudden my husband says do you ever feel like you can’t get enough of something. I said yes. I can’t get enough of Sunday afternoons when we are all relaxing, sleeping and drooling. The windows are open and I can smell the damp earthy air blowing through the window. The smell of the air makes my body fully relax. It’s like earth’s aroma is flowing through me. I can’t get enough of when we go on vacation and we are having such an awesome time, sharing, learning and being ourselves and not strapped to our same everyday routine. I can’t get enough time by myself. I mean purely present quiet time with me and no distractions. Time to walk outside and be with nature. I can never get enough of that. Then my husband leans down adjusts his body on the floor where we are sitting and he looks up at me and says I can’t get enough of you. Then we continued watching the television program like nothing was said. We talked a little more he got up and proceeded with his night-time routine.
He does not know the weight of his words. He is just being the grounder. I call him my grounder because he is the reference point that keeps me present. Those words had to sink in and be absorbed by my SPIRIT mind. Wow! Did he just say I can’t get enough of you? My ego mind is thinking like a child. I gotta say something bigger and better than what he just said but he is not looking for a response. It just is.
I love him with all my being and have been in love with him for over 24 years. There is an ease that we have in the present. Through the years we have learned to accept each other and now we are learning how to let each other just be but at the same time pull each other up when one of us is down. We encourage each other to have no fears about being who we are meant to be and to dream big to create who we want and believe ourselves to be. The ease that flows through us bonds us like glue. I’ve written those words I am realizing this with awareness for the first time. Have you ever known someone a majority of your life and you can almost predict how they will respond to certain experiences? Today he used the simplest words that reached a part of me that is untouched and not knowing how to translate into a response. I don’t know how to act. It’s almost like I don’t know him and I question who are you? Who is this beautiful Spirit that sits before me unaware of the value of what you just said, to me. I almost feel undeserving. My inner spirit says close the door on ego right now. What is this you are saying to me and why have the words you’ve spoken to my inner most part of my soul resonating so deeply? The words spoken have reached the pureness of my heart and coated me with light, and forced me into thought and acceptance. Maybe I’m being too much. Maybe I’m over wording it. Maybe you won’t understand. I’m going to write anyway.
He said I can’t get enough of you. I’m still sitting within that. Trying to allow it in. When you can’t get enough of something. It’s like being five years old again and gliding down a playground slide and wanting to do it over and over again. It’s like an nine-year old cannon ball diving into a swimming pool over and over again until the body is exhausted. It’s like not being able to just eat one piece of chocolate because the flavor is so addictive and enticing. It’s like wanting to play that song over and over again because it gives you that feeling of oneness that you think you can’t maintain without it.
It’s loving someone hard, deep and losing yourself because you are happier being ONE with them. I can’t get enough of you is a gift of words I will treasure.
I can’t get enough of you! I’m still trying to allow that in. I’m still trying to accept those words.
This story will be continued…
©2015 by Allura Eshmun