I walked into the kitchen to wash the dishes and my daughter says to me,” Mommy you should write a story about birthdays.” It’s funny because I haven’t written any short stories in a while. I’ve been so focused on finding the right publisher for my book. Recently, I had only been writing here and there. Her statement got me thinking. What are birthdays really? On my birthday this year I woke up late because I went to bed late the night before. I was exhausted. The clock said 9am. I could hear the kids, my husband and my Mom talking like I couldn’t hear them. I was laying in the bed dozing off and on trying to get fifteen more minutes of sleep. It’s kind of a tradition on my birthday, at 9:15am, when my Mom calls or comes to the room where I am, and sings Happy Birthday. She then reminds me that I was born at 9:15am and was 7 pounds and 14 ounces. Today, I wanted to rest because I felt it was going to be a long day and we had been busy the previous week. My husband was playing me in the kitchen cooking the kids breakfast. I heard whispers, “She’s going to miss her birthday.” I’m thinking it’s 9:15 am how I am going to miss my birthday. I guess it’s hard for them because I rarely show over the top excitement. I am told I carry a Zen look at times. They really want me to have a great birthday. So with that in mind I get up and go into the family room with my gown on, hair bonnet and snot in my eyes. I see the kids sitting at the table finishing up breakfast, my Mom eating cereal and my husband washing dishes. I see gifts on the counter and cards and mild surprise in everyone’s eyes hoping that I will like what they’ve purchased. I always say don’t get me anything, because I hate when people stress when getting me a gift.
All this birthday stuff got me to thinking again. What is a birthday really? It’s the day we chose to come into the human world to gain and create experiences. Really there is no birthday because we are infinite experiences. Can’t be created or destroyed only changed into different experiences. Birthday’s are what we created. It’s a pinpoint on our journey map that tells us where we’ve been and a hint of where we may be going.
Birthdays are really for the family. For me it’s another day. Truth be told I don’t like to celebrate birthdays but my ego does. I’d rather celebrate on a regular day. It’s like choosing an ordinary day and making that day special is more fun. There are so many days on the calendar that are treated like nothing. Each day is important and a link to the future and the past. We can’t do with out them. So why not make the days that don’t get attention special?
The thoughts of celebrating my birthday have made some things clear making my feelings rise up to a boiling point of awareness. I’ve realized that it’s challenging for me to receive. On the inside I always get so worked up when someone gives me something instead of allowing and learning to be a receiver. It’s amazing all the things my mind goes through telling me wrong when it’s right and telling me right when it’s wrong. Instead of receiving and saying thank you right away my mind hopes the giver didn’t spend too much money on a gift or go out of their way to get it or spend too much time on an idea for a gift to give to me. My mentor tells me that I let my ego get in the way instead of allowing the process to unfold. I find every excuse or complaint or tell the giver not to give me any gifts instead of allowing. I go out of my way, I spend money and I think for days about gift ideas for others I love. Why do I want less for myself? Lesson learned and I can see clearly now cuz the rain is gone!
I had a great birthday this year. One of the best because I allowed it.
Getting back to it. Birthdays are really for the family. It’s like saying weddings are for the family. Everyone loves a party or a reason to get together. But we really don’t need a reason to say, I love you or thank you. We don’t need a reason to get together. Being love is who we are.
On my birthday this year I got, phone calls from family, text messages, breakfast, hugs, money and cool gifts. The love was overwhelming.
I am grateful. Some family came by and the kids prepared a song for me. I was so touched and emotional. They did a really good job. I was taken back and appreciated it. Wow!
Birthdays mean so many things and nothing. It’s just a day. A day we chose to celebrate and make life great.
Happy Birthday!!
©2016 by Allura Eshmun