Okay, life’s lessons never end and that’s okay. My mind is tired but it’s a good tired. I am watching a television show called Super Soul Sunday. The guest on today’s show said who do you believe yourself to be? Just for fun, I asked myself this question. But before I could think the statement set off alarms within me. The words sung to my soul, bounced back to my Spirit and then hit my mind with a force and hard as a brick. I never thought of this before or maybe I am now aware and experiencing it. Who do I believe myself to be? Wow! I’m blank when I should have at least one answer, but I don’t. Dang!
Who do I believe myself to be?I’m blank again. I can only think of who I am in the eyes of everyone else.
I’m someone’s mother. I’m a wife, a sister, a niece, a stay at home mom. I can go on with that list forever. I want a new house. Huh! That last thought was random. But for real, looking back at those things, those words that are supposed to represent who I am in that sentence does not answer the question. Who do I believe myself to be? I realized that I don’t even think about myself. Does it mean I don’t believe in myself? No. I know I need to believe more and obviously I’m not believing enough or as I should. This is not good. This is not bad. It just is.
I’m sure throughout time the answers to that question will change but now my brain is warming up. So let’s try it again. Who do I believe myself to be? Powerful. Loving. Strong. These are the first words that come to my mind but that doesn’t totally give a full 360 degree picture of what I am trying to say or what I am trying to create. Ah ha! Did you catch that? I just caught it. I’m awake now and that was a good slap in the face saying you got it now. Wow! I need to write as a creator would.
Who do I want to create myself to be? Who do I want to create myself to be? Who do I want to create myself to be?
That question is so life changing. I can put in or add anything. I know that I AM. But this is big too. We all have the opportunity. Let me try again. Who do I want to create myself to be? I am that person that radiates love that brings others together in comfort. I am that woman with the gorgeous out of control Afro who is proud of her naturalness. I keep it simple exuding subtle parts of my character with a splash of sophistication. I am the women who learns and teaches at the same time with the gentlest touch. I am the woman who is always grounded in who she is and knows that we are all the same no matter where we are in our journey. I am the woman who is present with her husband, children and family. I am the woman who enjoys the simple moments, like the cool green grass cushioning my feet or watching the small humming bird fluttering from flower to flower and the smell of rain after a long hot summer day. I am the woman who writes in a way that speaks to the language of the soul. I am the woman and old friend that inspires and reminds you through writing that you are perfect already. I am the woman who takes time to love herself and rejuvenate her Spirit. I am the woman who loves YOU and wants you to hear this message. Who do you believe yourself to be? Go out and create, with love in your heart, who you believe yourself to be?
© 2015 Allura Eshmun